Ephesians 5:28–33 . . .
“Instructions for Christian Households — Part 2 of 2”
“Saint Paul”
by Guercino
c. 1632, oil on canvas.
Click to enlarge.
In our previous week’s enlightening study titled “Instructions for Christian Households — Part 1 of 2” (5:21–27), Paul challenged the Ephesians to respond to the gospel with how they live out their own life stories by describing how this is designed to work in a Christian marriage.
In today’s follow-up passage, Paul will clearly reveal in this section of his letter to the Ephesian church body the fact that God created “marriage” to display the relationship between Christ and his church. God intended marriage to be a parable — an object lesson that presents the way Jesus loves his bride, the church, and the way the church body has been called to love him. Marriage is a contemporary institution designed to reveal eternal realities.
It’s true that marriage is a beautiful gift from God. But it’s not an end in itself — it’s a means to an end. God didn’t design marriage for our sake only. He designed it ultimately for his sake, to reveal the glory of his love for his people.
Paul’s closing segment of chapter 5, vv. 28–33, is aimed at husbands. It advises them of another reason to love their wives. This passage’s main point is that a husband-and-wife marriage reveals the union between Christ and his church. Husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies because Christ loves the church as his own body. The union of Christ and his church body is the basis for the husband and wife partnership.
A Most-Sincere Union (5:28–30)
Verses 28 to 32 directly apply the principles stated in vv. 25 to 27. As Christ relates to the church, so the husband should relate to the wife. Each is the complement of the other. God designed the institution of marriage so that one is suited to care for and love the other.
28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church — 30for we are members of his body (Ephesians 5:28–30 NIV).
The word “ought” in v. 30a carries the concept of obligation. There’s no option for the husband and wife to love each other. Husbands must also love their wives with sacrificial love — not to love her only when it’s convenient or when she’s nice to him. Even when she criticizes him or fails to appreciate him, he’s to love her. The husband is to love his wife in the same way that Christ loves the church. Because the church is Christ’s body, so the wife is the husband’s body. This becomes an intimate God-honoring union of love for one another.
Husbands are obligated to love their wives sacrificially “as their own bodies.” They “should” or “ought” (depending on version) to do this. Not doing so would be a sin of neglect and a call for repentance. Such a call echoes one of the most well-known Old Testament commands: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18). Paul is applying this general commandment very directly to husbands, saying that they should always love their nearest and dearest neighbor: their wives. To the extent a husband loves his own body, he’s obligated to love his wife. And, just as we’re to take care of our bodies, we’re obligated to prudently care for our wives.
Click to enlarge “Ephesians 5:28”
Paul writs in v. 28b why husbands should love their wives: “He who loves his wife loves himself.” He’s alluding to Genesis 2:24, which he’ll quote in v. 31. A husband and wife become “one flesh.” In God’s sight, they’re seen as a single entity a oneness. So the husband’s obligation to love his wife as his own body isn’t a call to love someone else as much as he loves himself — It’s a call to love himself. One by-product of a husband’s love for his wife is his personal welfare. Since his wife is an integral part of him, and intimately united with him, how he treats his wife affects him. And, because the husband is “one flesh” with his wife, if he fails to love her, he’s not loving himself.
In God’s sight, when we commit our lives to our wives through marriage, we become a single unit. We don’t become two autonomous individuals living under the same roof, eating at the same table, watching the same shows. Instead, we’re “one flesh,” since God has joined us together as one. That’s why we must never hate our body. Paul drives this thought home in v. 29a when he writes, “After all, no one ever hated their own body.” For a husband to neglect his wife is equivalent to neglecting his own physical health. For a husband to hate his wife is to hate himself. What’s essential is that we regard our bodies as extremely important. As a result, husbands are obligated to take care of their wives appropriately. Those who fail to love their wives wind up hurting themselves.
Clearly, the husband-wife relationship is a most-sincere union — each member becomes “one flesh” albeit mysteriously. However, v. 30 portrays an even more far-reaching alliance. Paul’s declaration “For we are members of his body” emphasizes the reality of believers in Christ being intimately joined to Christ. In effect, Paul says that we’ve become a significant part of the Lord Jesus. When we repent of our sinfulness and fully trust in Jesus, we become incorporated into Christ and become a vital part of his spiritual body — his church.
Christian husbands continue to experience Jesus’ love and care because we’re now a vital part of his church body. Knowing that Jesus takes the utmost care of his body, husbands should strive to treat their body and their wife the same way Jesus has been treating them.
A Far-Reaching Mystery (5:31–33)
In the next three verses, Paul proclaims that the union between Jesus and his church is the reason why God created marriage. In it, God reveals a far-reaching profound mystery, that of Jesus’ covenant of love for the church. Paul brings attention to a critically important Old Testament verse — Genesis 2:24 — about God’s plan for marriage: “the two will become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31b).
31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:31–33 NIV).
The phrase “For this reason” connects with the previous verses related to Gen. 2:24. Since God ordained the institution of marriage in his creation, the husband should form his own marriage entity. And when Paul writes, “a man will leave his father and mother,” he’s suggesting that, when a husband doesn’t leave the authority of his parents, marriage problems will arise. Leaving one’s parents doesn’t mean absolute abandonment of parents but a radical change of relationship with them. On the human scale, the husband’s new priority must be his wife.
Adding “and be united to his wife,” Paul advises his readers that marriage is the formation of a new unit with a new collection of authorities. The words “be united to” means to be connected or glued to. The idea is to be closely joined, starting with sexual union. Thereafter, “the two will become one flesh.” Looking at the creation, God formed Eve out of Adam’s body. That said, a husband and wife are incomplete without each other. The marriage union is indivisible in God’s eyes. Partners who divorce their spouses destroy part of themselves. It’s important to remember that the bond between husband and wife should become the closest of all bonds between human beings!
Paul the apostle then states in v. 32 that he’s “talking about Christ and the church,” which in his view is “a profound mystery.” Marriage for us today reflects the union between Christ and his church, which is a mystery. The Greek mystērion used here for “mystery” doesn’t mean something mystical but instead asserts a truth not previously disclosed that gets discovered by revelation. Remember: The church wasn’t a known entity in the Old Testament. It was revealed to Paul in the New Testament (Eph. 3:1–13).
A good biblical marriage isn’t simply the union of body with body but of soul with soul. It’s the meeting of minds with emotions between a husband and wife. The loving relationship of Christ to the church is the standard for the husband’s need to always love his wife. Marriage isn’t simply a male and female living together and behaving as one. Biblically, a marriage is the collaborative blending of two souls into one. What hurts one hurts the other; what delights one delights the other.
In effect, Gen. 2:24 refers precisely to the spiritual union made between Jesus the bridegroom and his bride the church. According to Paul, Moses’ words in v. 24 reveal that God had initially designed the marriage alliance to be viewed as a parable or moral tale about Jesus’ personal relationship with his church. God seemingly planned marriage to be something of “an earthly picture of a heavenly reality.” Essentially from the start, Father God had intentionally planned his Son’s marriage with his church.
Can you see how the “profound mystery” of the gospel gets revealed in such a divine marriage? In it we should appreciate the beauty of Jesus’ love for his submissive bride, the church. Humankind’s earthly marriage between a man and a woman was designed to manifest God’s heavenly marriage.
“Ephesians 5:33” — click to enlarge.
This passage’s closing verse summarizes the essential roles or relationships of husband and wife toward each other. The husband is to love his wife so that she is secure in his love. The wife is to respect her husband so that he knows that she honors him properly.
Paul once again highlights the husband’s love for his wife (see vv. 25, 28). He ought to love his wife the same way Christ loved the church. But here he adds the idea of loving her as he loves himself. He adds emphasis in his closing phrase: “and the wife must respect her husband.” The Greek phobētai for the word “respect” means to venerate, show reverence. That’s the essential attitude that a wife must have toward her husband. Biblical marriage partners support and sustain each other.
Closing Considerations
After addressing wives about their marriage (vv. 22–24), Apostle Paul turns his attention to husbands (vv. 25–31) before closing this passage by presenting a most beautiful picture worth cherishing (vv. 32–33).
Paul makes it clear in vv. 28–33 that God designed marriage to reflect Jesus’ covenant-keeping, sacrificial love for the church and its humble and joyful submission to the Lord’s leadership and authority. In marriage, God wants the world to see Jesus’ perspective toward his people and their’s toward him. In today’s six-verse passage, we see the main reason why husbands should love their wives: The union between husband and wife replicates the union between Christ and the church. Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as their own bodies because Christ loves the church as his own body. The union of Christ and the church is what the husband and wife union is to model.
A Most-Sincere Union Verses 28–30 tell us that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies because Christ loves his own body. Paul is further applying the call for husbands to love their wives sacrificially by telling to them to love their wives “as their own bodies.” Husbands are obligated to do this. Failing to do so would be sin of neglect requiring repentance.
The husband-wife relationship is a most-sincere union in which they become “one flesh” in a mysterious way. Believers in Christ are so intimately joined to Christ that Paul says that we’ve become a part of him. And when we repent of our sin and put our trust in Jesus, we’re incorporated into Christ as a part of his spiritual body. The body of Christ is made up of all those who’ve been united with Christ through a faithfulness in him. Being a member of his body in heaven is evidenced by being a member of his body on earth.
A Far-Reaching Mystery The union between Jesus and his church is a model for how a husband should love his wife. In vv. 31–33, Paul goes one step further and says that the union between Jesus and the church is the reason why God created the marriage relationship. In marriage, God reveals a far-reaching mystery — the mystery of Jesus’ covenant of love for the church.
Paul completes his teaching on marriage by quoting the most important Old Testament verse concerning God’s plan for marriage: Gen. 2:24. He emphatically points to the last part of the verse: “the two will become one flesh,” which relates directly to the union of Jesus and his bride — the church.
A husband’s responsibility is to love his wife… without selfishness, without reservation, without condition. He ought to love her as Christ loved the church unto death. A husband is also to love his wife, seek her best good, sacrifice for her benefit, give himself to her wholeheartedly, and, when that’s all done, love her even more.
Apostle Paul’s Personality and Passion on His Missionary Journey in Ephesus
† Watch this video highlighting Paul in Ephesus — created by Our Daily Bread Ministries.
Intro Video: “Ephesians”
† Here’s a superb run-through video of this epistle, created by BibleProject.
- Q. 1 Husbands: Do you love your body? If so, do you love your wife as your own body?
- Q. 2 What is a husband’s responsibility?