Ephesians 5:21–27 . . .

“Instructions for Christian Households — Part 1 of 2”

In our previous week’s enlightening study titled “Walking Wisely by the Spirit’s Power” (5:15–20), Paul commanded his believing audience to be careful how they live by understanding the Lord’s will.

In today’s passage, Paul shifts gears and begins to challenge the Ephesians to respond to the gospel with how they live out their own life stories. He describes how this is designed to work in a Christian marriage: A Christian wife is to respect and allow her husband to be responsible for her, while the Christian husband is to love his wife and use his responsibility to lay down his life and prioritize his wife’s well-being above his own.

Submission: Knowing that You’re Filled with the Holy Spirit (5:21)

Here the apostle begins his exhortation on the performance of reasonable duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down this first rule: Christians owe one another a mutual submission, humbling themselves to bear each person’s burdens — not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over and imposing laws on one another.

As Paul exhorts in his opening verse, submission to God means submission to the will of God. One aspect of God’s will is that we submit to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he “became all things to all people” (1 Corinthians 9:22). As Christ “made himself nothing” (Philippians 2:6–7), placing the needs of others before his own, so should we “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above [ourselves]” (Phil. 2:3).

Some translations say “Be subject to” or “Be courteously reverent to” instead of “Submit to.” All carry the same idea and simply translate differently the same Greek word: hupotasso. It’s an old military term for lining up under your commanding officers, for standing in rank. So when Paul uses that term here, it carries the idea of knowing who your commanding officers are and obeying them. We need to know from whom we take our orders.

So we see a couple of different lessons here about “submission.” Worldly submission asks: Who do I have to serve, and who has to serve me? However, looking at godly submission — out of reverence for Christ — we’re instead to submit like this: Because I’m the lowest on the ladder, I’ll serve everybody.

Authority in Marriage (5:22–24)

In the next three verses Paul presents a further sense in which wives must submit to husbands, but not husbands to wives. Very interesting, indeed.

First, Paul looks at the role of wives as he encourages loving respect. The Biblical view is that wives should place themselves under their husband’s authority “as the church submits to Christ.” It’s a submission to loving care, not male dominance.

The “husband over the wife” rule was specifically mandated in God’s curse on woman (Genesis 3:16) because she’d rebelled not only against God’s rule, but also against her husband, when she yielded to the serpent. Today, submission is more difficult under the curse because the husband is also a fallen, self-centered sinner by nature. Such sinfulness isn’t nullified in Christ.

“Most ancient writers expected wives to obey their husbands, wanting in them a quiet and meek demeanor; some marriage contracts even stated a requirement for absolute obedience. This requirement made sense especially to Greek thinkers then, who couldn’t conceive of wives as equals. Age differences also contributed to this disparity: husbands were normally older than their wives, often by over a decade in Greek culture.”^[1] In this passage, however, Paul doesn’t explicitly define submission; in the Greek text, wifely submission to a husband (v. 22) is only one example of general mutual Christian submission.

Pastor Steven J Cole of bible.org further advises us. “With regard to marriage, the submission of the wife to her husband is taught also in Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, and 1 Peter 3:1–6. It’s implicit in the order of creation and in the purpose for which woman was created (for the man, not vice versa — 1 Cor. 11:9), thus applying before the fall.

“Paul makes three points about the submission of wives to their husbands in these verses:
1. The submission of wives to their husbands stems from the wife’s submission to Christ (v. 22). God has ordained an order for the church and the home in which male and female are to reflect His image (Gen. 1:27). Part of the image of God involves the voluntary submission of the Son to the Father. Though equal in His deity, the Son yields Himself to the Father’s plan. Thus, God’s plan is that, in the home (and also in the church), women — individuals equal with men before God — willingly submit themselves to male leadership to carry out the divine plan.

2. Wives are to submit to their husbands because their husbands are the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church (v. 23). In Eph. 1:21–23, Paul states that Christ’s headship makes Him the supreme authority over the church. When God put man and woman in the garden to reflect His image, He put the man over the woman, as implied by the order and purpose (to be a helper for man; helpers aren’t above those they help). The head is accountable and responsible for those under his charge. That means that God holds the husband primarily accountable for what happens.

3. Wives submitting to their husbands is to model the submission of the church to Christ (v. 24). Christian marriages should be radically different from worldly marriages! In a Christian marriage, rather than competing with the husband or trying to manipulate him to get her way, the wife willingly submits to him, seeking to build in him righteousness and please him. Sometimes the worldly husband, rather than bullying his wife or, as often happens, passively lets her have her way so he can attain peace. However, the Christian husband provides loving leadership, sacrificially giving of himself to build and nurture his wife in God-honoring ways.”

Thus Paul says: The submission of wives to their husbands stems from the wife’s submission to Christ (v. 22); she submits because the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church (v. 23). As the church submits itself to Christ, “so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (v. 24). Yes: Wives are to submit to their husbands in the same way the church submits to Christ. What does that look like? It means following his lead and serving him out of love. It’s not a blind obedience; it’s a following that comes from a relationship of trust and mutual esteem.

The Submission of Christ for His Radiant Church (5:25–27)

It can be difficult to think of our Lord Jesus as an example of submission. Sure, we can speak of our Lord’s submission to his Father’s will (John 4:34; 5:30; 6:38; 8:28; Phil. 2:8). But how can the supreme leader of the church (its Head) also be submissive to it?

Again putting into context ancient beliefs and practices, although it was assumed that husbands should love their wives, primitive household codes never list love as a husband’s duty; such codes told husbands only to make their wives submit. Although Paul upholds the ancient ideal of wifely submission for his culture, he qualifies it by placing it in the context of mutual submission: husbands are to love their wives — as Christ loved the church — by willingly laying down their lives for them. At the same time that he relates Christianity to the standards of his culture, he subverts his culture’s values by going far beyond them. Husbands and wives must both submit to and love one another (v. 21).

Paul now turns to the role of husbands and encourages loving service. This and other Scriptures direct husbands to “love” their wives. Husbands and wives must see “love” in the terms of self-sacrificial care for the well-being of their marriage partner. Many marriage partners would do well to view their “love” role in these terms, rather than promoting and taking on a sole-headship role.

Throughout the Bible (especially 1 Peter 3:7), we see that God’s key instruction to husbands is to love their wives. He’s to perform his role as head of the family in a loving and kind way, considering the needs and feelings of his wife. Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Paul sets a very high bar and points to Jesus as the example for husbands. When husbands love their wives in this way, it’s much easier for wives to respect and submit themselves to their husbands. And when wives practice respectful submission, it’s much easier for husbands to practice loving leadership.

Perhaps a good reason why Christians find it difficult to accept our Lord Jesus giving himself up for his church (v. 25) is that we’ve come to think of submission only in terms of one’s rank, status, or authority, rather than in terms of one’s humility and service. Our Lord’s status and authority was why he would have needed to avoid the cross. However, his service to the church as its Savior required that he suffer on his cross. He humbled himself, not prioritizing and choosing his personal interests above ours. He therefore submitted himself to the agony of Calvary’s cross.

“Our Lord’s headship isn’t contrary to the cross; it’s the consequence of it. Suffering and glory aren’t opposing truths, but are complimentary truths. Our Lord has become the Head of the church by submitting himself (a) to the Father, (b) to the church, even (c) to sinful men.”^[2]

When a wife follows and supports her husband with a thankful and happy heart — even if she has to deny her own desires or pleasures to do so — she sends a loud signal to the husband that causes him to want to love her. This is an important result of willing submission, for being loved is the primary thing every wife needs to receive from her husband. This is why God commands husbands to love their wives (v. 25).

In v. 26, God’s Word is likened to water. So as we regularly submit ourselves to his Word, we soak our faith with the Word, just as a Roman soldier soaked his shield with water. And when our faith becomes Word-saturated or Word-soaked, it becomes as effective as the soldier’s water-saturated shield. In other words, it will be so heavily inundated with the water of God’s Word that even if a fiery dart or flaming arrow pierces our shield, the huge amount of Word in us will extinguish the flames and put out a potentially damaging situation.

This “washing with water through the word” presumably alludes figuratively to the bride’s prenuptial washing. (Of course, washing was natural before any occasion on which one wished to impress another positively.) After this washing, the bride was perfumed, anointed, and arrayed in wedding clothes. The betrothal ceremony in Judaism also came to be called “the sanctification of the bride,” setting her apart for her husband. The “through the word” naturally refers to the saving gospel of Christ. After the bride’s holy cleansing preparation (v. 26), the next stage in a Jewish wedding was the bride’s relocation from her father’s house to the groom’s, followed by the bride’s arrival into the groom’s home.

What’s the husband’s goal? Paul cites in vv. 26–27 why Christ loved the church to such a degree: He wanted us — husbands in this case — to be sanctified, cleansed, and made holy. Jesus remains ready and eager to build us up so we can grow in our faith and personal relationship with God.

Summary Conclusion

Paul says that marriage is a reenactment of the gospel story. The husband’s actions mimic Jesus’ loving self-sacrifice, while the wife’s actions represent the church allowing Jesus to love her and make her new.

In addition to several significant theological points made by Paul in chapters 1 through 5, he also includes a few of the New Testament’s most practical instructions on relationship issues, such as between believers (4:25–5:2); believers and the world (5:3–16); husbands and wives (5:22–33); parents and children (6:1–4); employers and employees (6:5–9).

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